Over and Done With

For those of you who do not know, I recently had to "resign" from my job. It was a long series of events which led to my resignation. But I have been able to analyze the events quite thoroughly now that I have nothing but time! It all boils down to my boss' lack of managerial and leadership skills (e.g. He's a spineless, kiss ass weasel! But you already knew that). He had no problem communicating with upper management and promising delivery of a laptop on my behalf but this bastard couldn't give me a simple phone call to let me know what was going on. Basically, I found myself in the impossible situation of a senior staff member who wanted something in an impossible time frame while I'm in serious foot pain. This woman had no concern for me or my medical issues and neither did my boss. Everything from there was pretty much down hill.

My boss sided with the senior manager at every turn. Once I finally got the laptop built there was a miscommunication between me and that heartless bitch regional director but I totally apologized for "any inconvenience" blah, blah, blah. Didn't mean beans. She wanted me gone and that's what they got. I got some severance and 3 months medical. I'm sure they did that as hush money so I don't go trying to sue them or something. I'm just glad I'm out of there. That place was becoming more toxic than a pack of cigarettes a day! The thing that REALLY sucks is that good people are being subjected to management's lack of leadership. But management is so clueless that they have no idea that 1/2 the staff is looking for work at any given moment. Another case of an organization being run by idiots. Good riddance to bad rubbish I say!

And the Darwin Award Goes To...

Believe it or not sitting around the house, eating everything in site and watching TV does get old. I can't even believe I just said that!! As you know I have been recovering from foot surgery over the past five days. It would have been great if I could have left the house and walked around the park or something. Nope, I was cooped up in the house like a shut in. Now I know how dogs feel when company comes over. I was so happy when friends would come to visit. I was even happier when they brought food! I was getting cravings like a pregnant woman. One friend brought over some Popeye's Chicken. I swore to her that I wouldn't touch that stuff because it was too greasy. After smelling it for five seconds I pretty much inhaled it. Another friend was kind enough to bring over some beer after I called and told him I was jonesing for one! God bless my next door neighbor for the Swedish fish. But girlfriend, you didn't have to bring over 2 pounds! I think I've already eaten a pound!!!!

This morning all that is over because it is my first day back at work. I would like to share with you one of my Darwin award nominating moments from this morning. Taking a shower! Since I can not get the bandages wet I have to cover my foot in a plastic bag. Being ghetto I don't have one of those fancy shower bags for the foot. No, I have a Target bag and neon shoe string. So I'm walking around with this Target bag on my foot tied up with shoe string and I get in the shower. Picture this. I have the Target bag foot elevated on the rim of the tub (I don't trust that the shoe string will keep a water tight seal). I'm balancing myself on the other foot which is still in pain and due for surgery in about three weeks and I'm holding the shower head with one hand while trying to soap with the other. It's amazing I'm still alive! Can't you see my dumb ass slipping and hitting my head on the fixture or something? Note to my family: If this does happen please make sure you sue Target for making defective plastic bags. Regardless of that I made it to work just fine... I'm ready to go back home now.

Paul Bunion: Still ALIVE!!

Gang, I made it through. I will admit that I was a little nervous right before the operation. Probably had something to do with the fact that I was sitting on a leather chair in one of those hospital gowns with my back and ass sticking to the chair. which was cold and sticky! They should also have a little sound barrier between the operating room and the waiting area because every time the nurse opened the door I could hear what sounded like electric saws and electric staples or punches. At least that is what it sounded like to me. Freaky! My vision of the operation was that I would be sitting in a very comfortable chair and there would be soft music playing in the background. Kind of like a dentists office. Oh no! It was an actual surgery room, all white with those big lights overhead like on ER and me stretched out on some hard ass table that looked like some kind of Medieval torture device. There's also a hole in the middle of the table. I don't even want to know what that is for! The good thing was the anesthesia worked great! I was a little worried I might wake up and hear stuff! Thank God that was not the case. I had just laid down and the next minute my foot was all wrapped up and they were giving me the bums rush off the table! I don't remember anything.

I will say that my dad was a gem. He brought me to the surgery center and back. I stayed at his place that afternoon and evening, ate like a pig (Nothing to eat or drink in over 16 hours!) and took several naps while the anesthesia wore off. Now I'm home surrounded with tons of comfort food, about 1000 remote controls, a computer, plenty of movies (Thanks Luther!) and let's not forget drugs!! If I didn't have bills to pay I could live like this for the rest of my life!

Oh, thanks to Jim Benn for the "Paul Bunion" thing. I try not to steal lines but sometimes...

Jack the Knife

Knife? Knife?? Did somebody say knife?! Oh Lord have mercy! They gonna' cut a piece out of Pauly's foot! I've never even had a broken bone and now I'm paying someone to break my toe to make it all better. It's a little tale that started about a year ago when I found out I had flat feet. Apparently that condition can also lead to bunions. It would have been nice if someone had told me that sooner. I would never have surgery if I didn't need it and the podiatrist seems to think I should have it. God only knows how much coin old boy will be getting for a 1/2 hour procedure. Regardless, I think I need it also. I have been in persistent pain for the past couple of weeks. Thing is, it wasn't a gradual thing. One day the pain wasn't there and the next day it was. Goodness, I look so pathetic walking around in the loop. I swear little old ladies with walkers were passing me!

Come tomorrow I will look even more pathetic because I will have to walk around with a surgical boot. It kind of starts making you think about our mobility. I've noticed the various ways people get around. Walking, limping, crutches, kanes, walkers, wheelchairs and yes even Segways. Somehow, someway we are getting from point A to point B regardless of impairment. It's actually kind of amazing. I would say that is one freedom we all want to keep. 'Cause honey's I'm not letting any grass grow under these feet. I plan to be riding my bicycle before the end of the summer. Who's up for a Lakefront ride?